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I've moved to Eljay.
This blog is kept for archiving purposes.
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Kepo-ness
# Kepo-hits
A hell lot of things are running through my head.Causing me sleepless restless nights. Is it just me, or is it my luck? It is simply tough. Tough, not being me, but in the position that I am. Tell me, who am I supposed to confide in? Worst of all, it's getting tougher especially when things are coming to the end. For me.
I'm waiting for March. Alot of things happening.. My birthday. I'm turning 20. *gulps* What difference does that make? A year older, a year dumber. And a hell of alot more to think.. Such as.. "When am I getting married???", "When am I getting my Degree???", "When to stop depending on parentsssss?" (Wait, I didn't get anymore pocket money or allowances, whatever you call it, so that means I'm "so-called" independent kan?)..then.."When to earn more money..?" Duh, I've got to save up for dry spells, SOS, marriage (again. Why is it popping in my head, for goodness sake?!), DEGREE, driving liscense, car, bike, loads of shopping spree and eating frenzy...???? Provide better lives for my aging parentsssss.. (You see, I've got 2 sets of parents.Ni blom include parents in laws tau..) WHEN IS THAT ALL GOING TO HAPPEN???
Other than being OLD, I'm looking forward to Pentas. And hope to make it a blast. Like that of Pentas Wayang. My 1st on-stage production in TP. I love those moments. Those memories live long in my heart, I tell ya. Tak kisahlah asek kene kacau jek egh..But when we reminisce, I think it's the best Pentas ever. Even if this acad year's gonna be the same,the feeling is somehow different.. Yeah...nothing could ever be better than the first. (Macam first love, first failure, first kiss, first errrr whatever la..)
I think it's high time I search within myself. Soul-search la dumb. And it's high time to get away from being the 4Ls. That is, lemah,lembek,lembut,lembab.What do people call that? Your mutual rights? Or your social rights? Whatever. But my main concern is, what if, I am gonna hurt anybody during that process/procedure? I HATE WHAT IFs!!
*Bisik naluri* Where's the democracy, Ain?? You wanna be fair, cuz you dun want anybody to get hurt, to feel pressurized, to apape lagik la...In shorter terms, you don't want people to be like Ain.The old Ain. The Ain who only listen to others, without others listening to her.To only suffer in silence.
*Bisik syaitan* Ain, it's time you stand up for your rights.Maybe for others too.Listen, someone, or some people have to get hurt.Either someone gets hurts.Stop thinking of others, Ain. At times, for the benefit of all, you have to call the shots. Not for long, lass. There's very short time left for you.Leave an impact on them all, whether it's hatred, or admiration. When will you ever stop pleasing people, and here you are, feeling all gullible??Forget all the ties.No one will respect you, if you always give in. "Datang sarat gendongan ini, berat pundak makin beban.."
BLERGH. March, come sooner please. I can't wait to pass on. Then i'll be care-free...I'll be happy..I can live normally.I hope. Can I be reborn and make up for all the mistakes I've done? I don't regret all my decisions. Even if I made the wrong moves, there's always lesson to be learnt in my journey. Only certain things I regret. And I mean it.
Emosi egh? Do I look like a dictator? I should be looking like one, you know. *rolled eyes*
Let's end it off. I've been late for work since last week.. Not really late. See, I reach work @ 8.50 by my watch, but the clock in the office states it's 9.00am. It's 10 minutes faster. Ntah negara mana ntah dier ikot.
Her's some random stuff I've found in our office... "The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels, some climbing up. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes." Make sense? True.
I'm off to lunch!!
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
12:50 PM|||
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