.: welcome :.
I've moved to Eljay.
This blog is kept for archiving purposes.
#
Kepo-ness
# Kepo-hits
WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN WHEN I AM ABOUT TO ENJOY THE LOVE & AFFECTION FROM ALL OF YOU? Ouh God, is this a test you've put me to?
My throat is not getting any better. Kay said last night the white thing may spread and cause my tonsils to be removed. Damn. I have not been enjoying school, nor have I been attentive in my work. Worst of all, I feel like everybody is away from me. Or is it that I am away from them? Since I'm the last 1 to know anything. Latest show? Not me. Latest Movie? Not me. Latest music? Not me. Latest info? No longer Ain. Latest plan? No, not me. Latest gossip? Not me. Got it? I'm so wayyy dated back...
I don't know what's with me. But somehow, I think this throaty is the cause of my sudden depression. Tell me, to whom can I turn to? To tell him/her of my worries? To want someone to comfort me during my painful moments? I'm no longer the optimistic Ain I used to be. I'm not as strong as I used to be. I'm too sensitive. I don't smile that often. Or laugh that much. What if I just have to go away?
No matter how much I try to comfort myself, to tell myself to be strong, I will just end up crying. It's a silent cry. I cry to sleep, praying that the pain will be gone. But when I wake up, it just gets worst. Maybe these words don't mean anything to anyone. But the moment I look into my throat and see the swollen tonsils, I can simply cry. I may look like the normal person, but do you even know what's in my mind? I don't participate as actively as I used to. I don't talk as much as I like to. I miss the talkative Ain.
"Members lepak, kekek2 memang pack.. Members nk cengeng sama2, tunggu kau mati pon blom tentu ada yang nak jenguk" - THAT'S LIFE.
And so you say I am stubborn. Yes, I am. But I am someone who stick to my words. I don't go making empty promises like some others. I have my pride and dignity. You're only asking the impossible. But when I seek permission to do something possible, you keep on lamenting that your words to me are dumb. I am not at all easily influenced by anything. I would do, if I want to. It's all about choices. Ok, my life is dull. Isn't it like forever dull? Since day 1 I was born. I don't lead interesting lives like some people. I don't have the luxuries in life. I stay contented with what I can have. Though I know very much what I wanted.
When you chose to keep mum, I can't force you. But we'll all end up keeping things to ourselves. How sad. You may say you are not against it. But it seems like it. What you told me, hurt me to the very core. The very moment I read, I couldn't help my tears.
I'm sorry to cause everyone trouble.
"Mati pun naik kuda..." - If only you know how much I felt insulted by that.
Do you still care?
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
2:55 PM|||
|
|
