9.10.05

Tragedy October.

Well, I shouldn't have cared about what others have to say uh. Somehow, it disturbs me to the core that I know something is going on, yet I know nothing of it. Why am I always been the last to know? It hurts pretty much. You ppl never cared about others' feelings, do you?

I hate to see you people dissed each other. I hate arguements. I hate war. I hate fights. I hate them all. Because of that all, I never have any peace since then. When will I feel the warmness of peace and joy? When will I know the world has stop fighting?

I tried my best to stop it all. But what did I get in return? So much for it all. I was indeed oblivious to you people. Why do you say things will change when I know about it? I thought my presence would help a little. But I guess I was wrong. I tried to remain silent and let it pass, to let u guys settle the dispute yourselves. But I doubt it worked, right. I dunnoe who is at fault. Maybe it was me all along. Why must there be hatred between us? I just want us to be back altogether like we used to be.

Ego. That's the word. The word that describe you both. Maybe not only you, but all of us. Our ego prevented us from all those apologies. Girls are sensitive. Guys are egoistic. Urfran, datz so true. Haisz.. Life is a karma isn't it? What goes round, comes around. The wheel of life. Things never change.

For as long as I live for 18 years, I have never feel how to love, to share happiness, joy and laughter. Until you people - Adeq, Lela, Abu & Yat - came along. With you people, I learn to share dreams, ambitions and fantasies. We shared many things together. Every moment of us together, is recorded deep down in my heart. But why must I get to enjoy it only for a moment? Dear Allah, why must you take it all away from us? I accepted you as for who you are. No matter what, I have always accepted you people without obligations. I was really looking forward to that outing and such. Now, that it all has happened, I wonder if that ever gonna happen? Will there be one person missing? I hate it when the picture is incomplete.

Our stories maybe different, but somehow, I know itz the similar story i went thru not quite long enuff. And I thank God cuz HE has opened both our hearts to accept our mistakes. I dunnoe for u both. BUt dun be selfish, darls. I know I haf NO SAY in this. The only thing I could do is teared 4 u both. And pray. And i had a good cry. Don't u make believe that nonsense of everything is back to normal. When.. I dunnoe. All I ask from the Almighty is that we are all back together. I am not blaming anyone. Neither you or him. I relate you to my life, cuz that's how I really feel towards it.

I am never angry at anyone. No matter how u tried making my angry, though I lost my temper at certain times, I tried apologizing, cuz I dun wanna lose u people. SO why? Why couldn't you at least return me this favour? Just this. I shouldn't have interfere. And prolly acted lyk I dunnoe? All of you are part of me. You people make my life whole. Without either one, I am not whole. Thus, I am freakingly NOT OKAY. Yet another tragedy october. 7 October 2003-2005. And this happened around the same time.

I hate you both. I hate all of you. I hate your fucking attitude. Yes. I hate it cuz I teared for you. I teared for the friendship that is suddenly snatched away. My life now seems meaningless. I dun mind the dreamless sleep. But each time I wake up, I know the nightmare begins.And I shed that same tear.

mawarhitam
kept in the heart
3:44 AM||| | |

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