1.1.05

.a tearful welcome 2005.

"You are never too low to seek forgiveness.."

(Simple Plan - Perfect)
Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according To plan?

Do you think I’m wasting My time
doing things IWanna do?
But it hurts when you
Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect

Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorryI can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be My hero?

All the daysYou spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’tCare anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

While others welcome 2005 wif cheers and new resolutions, I embraced 2005 wif a tearful sigh. REallie, dis tyme around, dun ever be amazed or taken aback by my change. Whether or not u peeps lyk it, I might not be wat I used to be. I am impulsive. I'm harsh, itz sumthing i must admit. Itz true isn't it? I dunnoe how many ppl out there i've hurt by my impulsive, crude remarks. Though at tymes i never intend 2 do dat either. I guess I've got an alter ego in me.

At tymes I wonder why dis things happened 2 me, when i reallie need dat thing kol love. Den i look upon the stars remembering those words dat God the Almighty will not put you through sumthing if He noe dat you cannot go through it. So there. Because He knew dat I could pass dis test, dat He put me through dis obstacles.

Haf anyone ever wonder how much I missed those ppl?? Ppl around may tink dat hatred overcomes my sanity, but NEVER. I dun bear grudges against ppl. I dun hate anyone. Why would I?? I've gone through enuf. As much as ppl tink they are hurt, dat much i was hurt as well. And I can't bring myself 2 tell anyone the reason why things happened dat way. I'm juz too emo. I'm a crybaby. While frenz like me 4 who i am, there are others out there who are always watching me. Dis things are inevitable. I dun regret as to wat I haf done or dat has happened 2 me. There's a blessing in disguise, mebbie..

I missed those hepi tymes we had together.. Those memorable events, especially wen late grand-dad was still ard. Puhleeeeze, dun let a single small-the-pieces tiff, hold back our love, our affections. Can we put the pieces back together?? Will the person not bear a grudge against me anymore?? Wat had happened is partially everyone's fault. Datz why, wen anyone asked me if wat i did was wrong, i said NO. Call me an egoist, but i feel dat anything dat ever happened is due to everyone's mistake. Isn't it great is everyone will atleast say dat they had made a lil mistake too? Human to err.

Papa was right. Mama was right. My elder kuzzies were right too. Not dat i am wrong. But their words linger in my mind, making me realise dat "air dicincang takkan putus". But will they be able to "buang yg keruh, ambil yg jernih"? I am ready 4 dat, ONLY if they are ready not 2 bring up dat matter ever again. Because if they do, i feel dat i can nvr be matured enuf 2 tink 4 myself. I want my own space, not everyone deciding 4 me. Not anyone 2 order me around. I haf my own life to live, You haf urs.

2004.. You haf brought too much fond memories 4 me to live behind... But 4 the sake dat I wouldn't be taunted by the past mistakes, I gotta live you behind, I gotta look ahead of me. I love my frenz and I hope they love me as much as I do. And if I were to pass on one day, I want them to noe dat no matter how bad or good as angel they are, I've always love them.
2005... I embraced ur presence wif a heartfelt welcome. I juz hope dat things will go the brighter wayy. And dat I'll be a more matured person, wif enuf brains 2 noe wat i am doing is right or wrong.. To papa n mama.. thank you 4 all dat you haf done 4 me.. Thank you 4 accepting me.

As much as i wanted 2 say those words, i juz couldn't bring myself to it. But i do hope dat you could understand dis..

(Hoobastank - The Reason)
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

*Dat is to you..

mawarhitam
kept in the heart
2:38 AM||| | |

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