.: welcome :.
I've moved to Eljay.
This blog is kept for archiving purposes.
#
Kepo-ness
# Kepo-hits
Note for all peepers! I've moved (think "blogger murtad").
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
2:13 AM|||
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Dear Diary,
hahaha. ok, cut the crap. I don't even start a "dear diary" for my hardcopy diary entries in a hardcover diary - duh! - and to think i'd want to add to the formality. huahuahua
I was such a dumbass to decline the offer. WHat te hell was I thinking?? A joke?? Well, on my part, it's a "joke". Terlajak perahu, boleh diundur, not wen terlajak kata...
Only then I thought, "what the fuck sia Ayn..... That's it la hokayyyy.... Next is when??? You don;t even know...Fark it, u stupid idiot" . teared. my bad.
.
.
.
And I badly missed us.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
1:47 AM|||
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I thought I was strong. Strong enough to endure all obstacles. But I didn't know I am such a weakling.
Days passed.But I couldn't seem to strengthen myself. Since the statement was passed, I'm becoming unsure.My heart's been broken. Too shattered that each time I reminisce, only tears will wake me up. Have I been dreaming all along? So what went wrong?
Nature made it that I should be smiling, looking happy.But deep inside, no one can fathom. Is it only me, clinging on to the memories? Is it only me, who thinks hope is the only way out of this mess, I "unknowingly" pushed myself into?
God, help me.. Each day, I'm full of worries.I wonder if I can make it through the days, until God knows when. At the same time, I was hoping we could minimise the straints.
Tell me, what is the way out? I wanna quit this charade we're playing. Be back to what we used to be. Cuz time, is not doing us any good. And before things get wayyy too complicated and too late, pls resolve this.
p/s: I missed you.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
7:21 PM|||
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Let this be random. Labels: totally random
What used to be so fun, is getting boring. What used to be pure innocence is getting more nonsensical. They are only humans, right?
Tu lahh..jadi orang, kepo sgt kan? Dah kata berkali-kali, bukannye tidak, dah set reminder pon kat hp, masih degil lagi.. Apa nak jadi...
Ouh well, but truth is, people around me has either been getting mushy-er or brokenhearted-er. Or is it that Ayn is not as sentimental, or romantic by nature? (Duh..my AGE CHARACTER CALCULATOR doesnt state so.) What is happening to the world, babe?
Ok, whatever.
Next.
Binget bole? Can laaa.. Pls pls pls.. Ouh well, whatever it is, pray for a miracle to befall on u ok? Another choice is, "undur" suahh..
And I missed the little girl I used to date alot. Way back then.Miss me little girl? Cuz I do. Been some time since we meet. Perhaps, if we meet, will we have anything to talk? *sobs*
And I admit that no matter how long-winded, or crappy, I still do regularly visit some of my favourite blogs. Be it on blogger, multiply, or myspace.
Random kan.. Exit laaa..
p/s: i miss u.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
1:39 AM|||
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Bingit. Labels: bingit
Hati sakit.
Jiwa perit.
Hilang manis, hilang pahit.
Tinggal tawar.
Kulai layu jambangan mawar.
Bukan lagi merah menyala.
Tapi hitam pekat menular.
Henti kita di garis lintang.
Mungkin tamat sudah permainan.
Apakah kita akan pulang?
Tutup sebuah kisah perjalanan?
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
11:42 AM|||
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It's finally over and done with. Unlike past years, this time, I didnt have much thinking to do. But more of worry. Worry the girls might screw up, worry the audience won't be entertained, worry the show did not work well.Everyone's got their own worries. But the girls pulled thru.
This is not a speech to anyone. Not even a speech to shed tears for. True, Fid, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.And for that, for what I've gone thru with Nira, definitely has made me stronger than before.
Applause received with many thanks to audience who still believe in Nira, whose support is very much appreciated.For those, who came, the alumnis of Nira whom I didnt get to meet, I missed you girls. I missed performing with you girls.If only we could make it for Khatu later this year..But i'll be joining you girls soon. Very soon. As soon as Khatu starts. I'll be sitting and watching for surprises from Nira. And if I do shed any tear, I hope it'll be tear of reminiscence and happiness.
Where burden was felt by me alone, now I'm seeing them sharing the load I used to carry. And I'll assure myself that you girls will make me proud for, now, you know that you can stand on your own feet. Kudos to you Naq n Sai. And all those that has helped. I am not great, mistakes made and learnt from. And I what want for this Nira, is to be better than previous times. Grow from your mistakes.
I've come all the way, not to see you girls falling down and crying hard of regrets. Because you girls are fresh start. And because the time when Nira was only a smoke break for fellow performers, has ended.
My hopes for you girls this Khatu, make me sitting down there proud of you; proud that I was there performing and now you girls will too. Its never about winning. And do not feel pressured by your fellow competitors, because they are just like you, to learn from mistakes made.
Ingat kawan2, usah diikut resmi jagung...
My only regret is that I could not perform for a competition set written by Fid.
"Biarlah harum jambangan Puspa, natijahnya manis, semanisnya Nira"
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
7:37 PM|||
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1.On the outside.
Name: Zanessa Ayn Hudgens
Birthdate: 22 march 87
Current Status: tgh tgu duit masok bole g shopping eh.. spree bnyk menanti ni..
Eye colour: brown black
Hair Colour: brown.
2.On the inside.
My heritage: boyanese-arab-indian kain tepong
My fears: the Almighty
My weaknesses: insecurity
My perfect pizza: meat lover's!
3.yesterday, today, tomorrow.
My first thought of waking up: what time is it?!
My bedtime: no consistent timeing. i slp whenever i want to.
My most missed memories: our honeymoon period.
4.My pick.
Pepsi or coke: coke light zero cal
Macdonalds or Burger King: BK
Single or group dates: single arh.
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Tea or Nestea: teh peng katai
Vanilla or Chocolate: chocolate
Cappucino or Coffee: cappu. mocha bole?
5.Do you?
Smoke: yes.socially.
Curse: yes.my mth needs to shut up.
Take a shower:duh.
Have a crush: on? Zaec efron uh. abey tak tau..da nama ku ayn hudgens..
Go to school: not anymore, but yuh.tp or wrp jer.
Believe in yourself: yep.sumtimes paranoia gets the btr of my confidence.
6.In the past
Drink alcohol: nak mampos kapper? no. jijik!
Gone to the mall: ahh ari tues tu ader org nmpk aku kat TM la nyahh..dgn satu jantan. dgr2 aku jadi superman dr raffles pl klua keje kul 6 fly to TM. how narrow-minded of u ppl to think i'd cheat on my bf. just bcoz u do, dun say i do too. (wahh mengamok nampak! mengamok nampak!)
Dyed your hair: cen i change to blue black?
7.Have you ever..?
Played a stripping game: no.
Change who you were to fit in: at times i had to. lyk a masquerade.well, dats f-ing lyf, we cant be ourselves to pls others. bcoz if i do, i dun always leave a gd 1st impression, n i dun f-ing care.
8.Are you hoping to
Get married: yerp.
9.In a partner
Best eye colour: blue arh. kan zac efron blue.
Best hair colour: brown
Long or short hair: short but unkempt.yes, dat out-of-bed hairdo.
10.What were you doing?
A minute ago: sipped my teh cino ais
An hour ago: tgh lepak kat printrm
A Month ago: 1 oct? keje arh
A Year ago: served my internship @ CAAS. rindu!!
FINALLY..Finish the sentences..
I love: goin shopping wif lotsa cash in hand.
I hate: slanderisms.
I hide: my secrets.
I miss: our 1st months 2gether.n times together minus of course those ppl not wanting to see us together, congratulating him on surviving me.
I need: a confidante.
-
I need a confidante. And I was bein random. And, I blog because I was bored. No work. I was done with work. And I'm itching to go shopping, get prezzies for the Nov oldies... I still have no idea what to get them. Susahla pulak nak belikan org tua hadiah egh... The moms..And the bro.. blerghhh.. Asek aku jer kasi org hadiah.. Aku ni tak dpt2 hadiah yg yg diingini. Hah... (Dah memberi nak harapkan balasan..)
Ouh btw, updates! Eid was average for me. Wasnt even anticipating for it. Ntah arh. Boring jer. Mebe once da start kasi duit raya lagi boring egh.. Raya outing with fams was fun ; that is if our two fams go 2gether.My total family!! Raya outing with frens was fun as well. Joke helium Aiman terngiang2 aku.. All sorts of accident. Moral of the story: Jangan ketawakan samping orang, kan da hilang kerongsang.
So far its been all peaceful n nice for me; except for a few hiccups.Nasib bulan raya. Aku mahapkan, tapi tetap tak lupakan. Work is normal.2 weeks. Siol arh da kene potong utk CPF. Eh, dat means aku da jadi kakak2 ada CPF egh.. wahahahaha..And being back with the kids last Friday was a good therapy. I heart them! Tapi Stuart Little tkde arhh.. And Nira....
They're picking up bit by bit. I really do hope, these upcoming events can bond evrybody like before. PENTAS, shows and Khatu. I do feel something is lacking. But I don't know... Anyways, its refreshing to see 3 rows again. And I do hope these would appreciate they have more shows despite the tight school schedule. Taklah macam zaman aku dulu.
Last arh pantun sebelum berambos.
Petikan dari Takleh Angkat Beb! Kisah Hang Toy dan Hang Joni:Nasi lemak buah bidaraSayang selasih hamba lurutkanBuang emak buang saudara....Bodohkan?
Sambungan untuk pantun tersebut:Nasi lemak buah bidaraSayang selasih hamba lurutkanBuang emak buang saudaraMemang patot saudara dibuang kan?
ahhh ni last.. ni random giler. Pantun dapat dari pantry:Nasi lemak buah bidaraSayang selasih hamba lurutkanBuang emak buang adik-beradikMakcik yang dikeji, amek balik.
jawab..jawab...
I just wanna go to sleep smiling, so when I die in my sleep, I'd die smiling.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
10:15 AM|||
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Hi guys! Sorry, haven't been updating my blog a very long time. Besides not having much time, cuz i've been doing other things and uploading photos @ Multiply, I haven't been racking my brains for my new blog layout. So, I was planning to change everything you see here. The outlook doesnt give me anymore inspiration to blog. Hahaha. Kentals.
I try to relink you guys/girls when i'm done doing my new layout. Tapi aku sungguh malas. Ok bye!
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
2:49 PM|||
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May, is not a good month for those in love. I suppose.
Ouh, btw, a blog is subjective to a person. Not many has exciting stories to tell. Mostly, a journal where they can pour out their thought, cuz no1 listens much to them. Even if its merepek, and no1 reads, at least they'd feel better cuz they've pour their hearts out.
So, what's up with the opposite sex? No pun intended there, ya noe. WHat makes a couple? One cranky female, and one egoistic male. Cuz when the girls stirs sumthing up, it's cranky. How bout them? They're just being egoistic. Cuz, here's the fact, guys like being dominant. Not that girls can be dominant...
Its true that true love never does run smooth. But why is it that way? Is it so hard for them to talk things out? I've been keeping too much, I realise....
It doesnt take a genius to see through a girls' emotions.You know her emotions, but what you don't know is how to tackle the emotions. Like how I don't know how to express my gratitude or ragrets. So... listen to the song "Hard To Say I'm Sorry".
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
5:46 PM|||
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Chatting n bitching with Kharin has been therapeutic. I feel ya, bitch. Anyways, the thought of me teaching sounds good uh. Remember what Fid n Fahmie once said, when times are good for me, I'll be a teacher.Maybe what they foresee is somewhat true. Teaching doesnt sound that bad afterall. No, the thought of getting paid while studying is good..
Follow our conV.
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
ko kat nus kan?
Khairin says:
tk ah, kat nie
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
ouh
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
cikgu ape?
Khairin says:
cikgu bedah
Khairin says:
ahakzz..
Khairin says:
cikgu myu
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
arh
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
ur career is somewhat secure
Khairin says:
ok ok ah...
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
aku nk join nie, tapi pey jauh..
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
ader bond kan?
Khairin says:
ade..
Khairin says:
kau blaj 2 thn n bond is 3 thn
Khairin says:
bulan2 kau dpt duit gaji
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
ouh
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
not bad..
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
but how r the fees?
Khairin says:
$0
Khairin says:
sema govt bayar
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
serious?
Khairin says:
yup yup..
Khairin says:
besh kan...
Khairin says:
free education n u get paid to sleep in class
Khairin says:
hahahaha
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
hahaha
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
takot stress arh
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
stress tk?
Khairin says:
slack giler....
Khairin says:
nk dkt exam aru stress ah..
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
yat pon kata jadi cikgu suah
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
dulu aku cite2 nk jadi arh
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
but i heard it was stressful
Khairin says:
hmm...stress mmg stress
Khairin says:
mana2 keje pun stress..
Khairin says:
duk umah, jaga anak ngan laki pun stress girl..
Khairin says:
tapi, time kat nie blaja ok ah..nkgi skul to mengajar tu yg maybe tough..
Khairin says:
budak2 skrg..ungkal naazubillah..
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
hahaha
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
jaga anak tk stress sgt. anak dgr kata
bLaCkr0sE ; c h o c o l a t e c i g a r says:
jaga laki yg susah
Khairin says:
yeah..
So yeahhh.. But there's one thing that bothers me. NIE is freaking far okay.. Unless I've got a liscence, I wouldnt mind going. Like the sound of Ain being a cicher? I do fine teaching is one fo the securest job, not to mention the most stressful one whcih u may end up going to IMH.
Maybe if I still hasn't got a job, I'd go for NIE, n b a chicer. Who knows what the world has in store for us, when times are good....
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
3:40 PM|||
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Sometimes, i wonder why or what makes me who i am? Amiable is not the word. I'm just friendly when I think I am.Still, i dun think that is a word to describe me. Which is why, people may think I am not the person whom they've heard about. Labels: individuality, self-reflection
Ok, to cut it short, i'll put this as a self-reflection. People said, or think, I'm unsocial, or maybe, not as friendly..Ok, no pun intended. Admit it, guys, almost 70% of u think of it like that. That I'm an arrogant bitch. Far from it.
Sometimes, I do think I'm lagging somewhr amongst my own clique. Is it because I learn to socialise only when I turn errr..17? I mean really socialise, widen my circle of friends. Only when I got into poly.Cuz all the while, I'm only the stay-home girl, tight curfews, no CCAs.. No pun intended, again, but I admit I'm deprived of childhood. Is that the cause of Ain being paranoid most times?
I'm an Arian. And Arians are very conscious of what others think of them. Maybe, that's one of the many reasons why I don't speak much when others are discussing, or talking abt things I know little of? Cuz I know that when I open my mouth, nothing good comes out. I could pretend to be "macam paham" , DUH! Which never fails to make me regret my words. But when I talk, no one listens. Most times, I wish, I could join the conversation. Make myself present.
Well, what's the point of saying things, when you know nuts abt it, right? Orang kata, tu.... Kalau dah tak tau, jangan macam paham. But I wish I could you know, like give comments, say something..not make myself scarce. You'd say, it's just me.
Try being in a group maybe of three, or four, when the rest were so enthu talking about something, giving their macam paham comments, mcm bagus sgt padahal amateur jugak, and you're the only one trying hard to smile, wishing that you know what the fark r they talking about.. It's sad, believe me.
So how to be like them? Be macam paham like them? Smarang2 kasi komentar... But, hey,think of it on the bright side, you're just say the audience, or spectator, think of you as the end user, maybe someone who may buy the painting, or buy the record, someone buying apparels, and definitely someone who know nuts about those stuff...
The person buying the painting may not know if painting is good or not.Maybe the painting looks nice framed up on his/her wall.Maybe it's what they wanted.Then, person buying a record album. If we think the quality isn't good, the vocals not powderful, or the songs just suck, would the person know it? If he/she is say tone deaf, like me most times. Would he/she know the singer sumbang-sih here n there? A normal person could not notice slight differences.And there r many slight differences. Then a normal shopper. Buys t-shirts n accessories whatever that suit his/her likings. But there was problem. People often think his/her dressing is weird. Maybe colors dun match often, wrong concept..
Lookit guys, these people are normal people. But they have feelings too. They may not have talents or knowledge about stuffs, but they have their own taste too, no matter how weird or ugly it is. I feel them, cuz I maybe one of them. Misinterpreted paintings, or sketches...Awful design looks nice to me; ugly music and voices, dun matter much to me; whether my clothes have mismatch color n concept, I couldnt care less. To me, I call this individuality. If not, why in the world God make good n bad? Angel n devil? Beautiful (giler) n ugly?
Ouh, be a sport, Ain.Well, things take time.. And yes, there's something about me that you'd want to know.. I don't like to be plastic. But that's life..
"Let no one; not even friends nor family, influence the way you are. In life, we call that individuality"
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
12:23 AM|||
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You peeps must have been bored to see no updates from me. Haha. Laku jugak khazanah hidup ku ini....Cuma senyap je tkde komentar, maklomla boring.
Let's start from errr....my 20th birthday. I'm 1/5 a century.right? OMG..how timeflies... At the strike of 12, i was eating my dinner cum supper. Bought from 7-11.Kesian la budak nie.. It doesnt matter cuz I was born @ 3.25am. Then i received a call from the boyfie.Cried. Den Caca Hamoe called just to sing me the bday song.Teared. The whole day trng n rehearsal. I had fun, i mean fun with the girls. We laughed at our own silly jokes, played "chop-chilli-chop", charade.. It was a hell lot of fun.Reminded me of those Pentas Wayang times, except we bonded among our own mostly.
It was touching, to hear people sing me a birthday song at the end of the debrief. Lyk Fid said, "pasal Ain tak penah celebrate birthday dier".. Correction, a surprise that was really a surprise.Of course I teared. When u're shagged, n got a surprise...even if its just a song, Ain is very gembeng at times.
The very next day was Pentas Janji. I didnt expect a kecoh event that started with laughter n happiness, turned into a cengeng scenes amongst us. This also marked my last day officially as an SGH. It feels awkward now that I'm handling these things related to the babes. Now I'm handling babies n todds instead.I dun wanna say much abt this, for it's been almost a month over.
The whole thing was purely entertainment.Storyline n such credits to the Artistic Director. I prove myself wrong, or rather others who thinks i cant dance. Ok, I STILL cant dance, but i'm contented that i managed 2 pluck that courage from within myself to dance. In front of 400+ audience.That's...something.Quite an achievement for me.. So what i'm labeled "gemok bersemangat"...
I hate speeches.You know, the pre-event n post-event speeches..Yeahh..Thank God it's done n over with.
Up next is my birthday pit. Attended my loved ones n close friends. It rained okay, but we had fun.In between it wasnt. Hehe...It was good to have a nice chat with a girlfriend, anyway.. We played Bingo. Did i win?? I think i did.Some 6 bucks..After that was payback time. Slept till late. Fuhhhh.Just what I needed. To hibernate.
Following week was Anugerah's audition, which i swear suck alot.From my very own point of view, 1) organiser shouldnt make JEC an audition location.It's unfair for those from the East, especially those who came for the 2nd day of 1stround audition. *budget kapperr* 2) its irrelevant, but i say it anyway..the way judges (n producers) pick them. Ouh well, it's suria anyway....
After that was spending almost a week @ TTSH visiting Pak Long who was admitted for high blood pressure n breathing difficulties.It was kinda bored, but the kids made my day, n times when we go kedai kawan..n layankan kazen confuse kiter.
Ouh, I forgot to mention that we went to catch Mr Bean n TMNT within a week.Awesome.
Ok, thatwas all it was about since my birthday.Boring la pulak. Havent had time in touch with the world. Been busy, n busy lately.
Ini pon nk tawooo.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
1:25 AM|||
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Coming very soon.. I'm feeling it, though not as much enthusiasm. But excitement is definitely buidling up. Well, if anybody's not recommending PENTAS:Janji, annual production by TP MAG, well, I do.
Sorry for no pictures, or posters. I don't fancy, and definitely don't recommend myself to put up a gents/ladies sign of the toilets. Don't judge a production by its poster, AT LEAST for this production. If you think 6 bucks is well worth to matao onky, think twice to indulge yourself into what i call "self-discovery of our innerself". And btw, 6 bucks (nor the poster itself) does not depict our almost 12-hour regime in school preparing for this.
Set in the 80's, in a college, involving 4 besties. Especially for those whose peak of teenage lives in the 80's, we'll bring you back (hopefully) into the disco era. To know the whole story, come down n watch PENTAS:Janji, Friday 23rd March 2007, TP Auditorium 1 Renaissance, 7pm.
For once, in Pentas, N2T, will not be a smoke-break session for u.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
1:53 AM|||
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I was stressed out yesterday, when I realised there's so many things to do, yet so little time for everything, which includes, time to study for test. I have 2 reasons 2 be happy this week.
ONE - I.. ehem.. passed my SIP. (lyk duh!!) It's just so nice to see a "GR" on the result SMS i received yesterday, though I've known the result much earlier that day. "GR" means graduate laaa.. Technically, yes.
Speaking of graduate, means work... Guess what? It's almost coming April, yet I havent receive my Jan & Feb pay. Lyk hallo!!!! I should be getting the pay cheque by this week...And been anticipating for the cheque siakk. Now this poor girl, no money already... Sueyy kapper aku ni.. Even if I get my pay, I still need to save for rainy days like now..Cause I haven't get any job as yet. pfft. BINGET hokayy. Maybe, if not for Pentas, I'd be staying at home, cuz ain't got a cent with me and i'll be almost grouchy for being such a useless pea brain idiot. Thanks to the fun n enjoyable trngs (both Tits & N2T), at least I can 4get my worry for awhile. Nevertheless, I still think of my pay whenever I got the time to sit or stare into space alone.
I need to buy a big bag, cuz my big favourable bags have all been worn out. But, I've got no moneyyy.Damn.....
Nvm that. NO wait! I do mind. It concerns my allowance okay. No, i am not complaining. Just whining.
TWO - Considering I was so stressed out yesterday,I should be happy today. cuz I realised I haven't been revising n test is today, I panicked giler babs punyer. I almost wanna breakdown. The feeling was so different from previous'. So I stayed up late till 3+ just to revise. Kalahkan exam biasa siak aku pey panic. bla..bla..bla.. Then I thought, 4 hours sleep would do me good. I swear my eyes became heavy the moment the bed looked at me invitingly.. I went to sleep bla bla bla... I woke up it's almost 9. 9, mind you. I didn't have time for my own revision. I rushed like mad, thank God I wasn't late for my e-trial. I was soooooooooooooo stressed out!! When came the test I was like "Omg..omg.." ntah berapa banyak kali selawat & Al-Fatihah. I was so careful not to hit the "end test" button as soon as I finished, so I could check all my answers again. Even when I clicked "end test" I did not look into the screen, instead I just clear my stuffs away..... And Alhamdulillah I passed. Phew........... Boy, was I beaming...............
But I'm still thinking about my pay cheque. How to catch Mr Bean on my bday like this??????? And Ninja Turtle.poofft.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
12:03 AM|||
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AKU TAKOT!
aku bingit dan geram
hari-hari semakin suram
pergi kalian yang memusnahkan
beriku ruang untuk berkasihan
mengapa cinta tak seindah mimpi
mengapa sering ada yang menyakitkan hati
mengapa berlagu tangisan kasih
mengapa luka masih tak pulih
kasih, hapuskan tangisan duka
kembalikan ceria, hati berbunga
-MawarHitam-
Was written because I am paranoid towards "hazards" coming our way. It's one after another. It's scaring me. Obviously, anybody can decipher. Tell me, they're not trying to separate us, right? We have our own ego... But I don't want sleepless, crying nights, with paranoia entertaining my thoughts.
We're turning 19th soon, and all i want is ur presence. Not present. I'll pray hard you'd change your mind abt it. There's no fun wihtout you. I know u'll be angry wif this entry. I am not seeking sympathy from you.
I love you the way you are. Just that way. It's perfect for me. And I don't wanna lose you cuz you're my one n only love.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
10:24 PM|||
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I dunnoe how am I going to put it into words, but..let's just hope what I ever imagined will not come true. With hope that we'll hold on to us tightly..It's really scary, and I swear it's affecting my focus. I can just wander into space...visualising those..
Will things that happen in dramas happen in reality? There's possibilities everywhere.. What is all those are true? Well, looks like no1 knows me that much.. Well, someone does..or rather did. She knows I wont change partner that easily. Not any1 can get near me so easily.. If people say, I pick my friends, I could say that..If you're just some ..say..male species that tries 2 get near me, with high hopes of something much more...You'll be the first I'll strike off my friends list. Been there, done that. Ouh, boyfie, u dun have to get jealous. For more information, pls ask Sayang.I wonder where on earth is she right now..
There's something, of which I still despise up till now. There's a time when people think they can "matchmake" me with some guys. That happened years ago. Whether I am attached or not, dun ever think you could matchmake me with some people I barely know. If last time, you may say, or think, I pick based on looks. HALLOOO!!!! If I go for looks, my boyfie would be a model, or some rock star.. (rock star ader goodlooks ker?? Ouh ada.. Ryan Star is a rock star.) And now, it's obviously been proven that I don't go for looks, don't you dare pry into my privacy.
Simply said, I am attached.Very happily attached. So dun pry into my privacy, and dun even think you could win my heart. My heart's been stolen and well-kept by Yat. Even if anybody wanna say, "cikit2 yat, aku pey pasal la eh.tak susah kan orang pe." Tak paham arh org2 ni..Bile dulu single-mingle sibokkan aku takde matair..Ni da hopefully happily ever after, korang bising lagi..
This is what I hate: Guys who think they are good enough to win any girls' heart. Worst, those who think could win the parents' hearts first. In this era, matchmaking is only for nerdies. Kau hensem mana pon, kalau tak segorgeous Wentworth Miller dan Channing Tatum n most importantly, se-goobygoober Yat, i won't turn twice. In terms of Jaja, only 3 factors - abit fat, hairy n curly. I'll settle wif fat and hairy. I'm good.
Apa kata, friendster ni kan besar..Some say it's full of what they'd call minahs n mats, well, there's also Multiply, My Space, Tagged bla bla bla...You can find your partners out there.
Even if I have no1 2 marry me one day, I don't need anyone to matchmake me. So, buzz off.
I wanna marry my gooby-goober, n i love u loads.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
10:54 PM|||
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And..I'm trying to find a better way to phrase sentences.. I think i've blogged about this before. About talking at the right time, right places or so... I've always been unlucky to have said the wrong things, at the wrong time, or not doing the right things at the right time.
For now, I prefer to keep shut, talking too much may offend anyone out there. And, in case I didn't talk, doesn't mean I'm "sombong" okayy. Once you've really know me, you know I am not. I dare not be overly friendly.Serik beb!I haven't been talking much to friends either. I prefer keeping myself shut. I've had enough speaking at the wrong time, or hitting the wrong target, worst, asking the wrong questions.
Okay. Saya da fenings. Saya ni pemalu.Kalau awak nak kawan ngan saya, bobal la ngan saya.Saya tak sombong..
LAINI PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! APE PRESENT AKU TU????!!!
I love surprises, yet I hate it at times..ButI adore presents.
mawarhitam
kept in the heart
8:38 PM|||
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